I was thinking yesterday about how the one sure fire way that I can get over a guy that I like is if he breaks my heart.  I think sin is similar.  It’s not until my sin breaks my heart that I can truly get over it.

My sin is breaking my heart right now.

I made the mistake of praying that God would show me my sin as He sees it.  And He has.

I was on a walk with my dog yesterday, which is one way that I am able to clear my head and talk with God, and I realized that my sin has been breaking my heart all along.  I just didn’t see it that way.  It’s like I’ve been in an abusive relationship, returning to my sin time after time, after it has beaten me and left me for dead.

I return to it thinking that it will make me happy, that it’s not really hurting me, that without it I will have nothing.  But, the truth is that it will never make me happy.  The truth is that it’s not only hurting me, it is putting distance between me and God, which affects everything and everyone in my life.  The truth is that my sin strips away all that is good in my life and leaves me with nothing of worth.  It isolates me and lies to me.

I am like David in Psalm 51, crying out:

Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
blot out my transgressions.

Wash away all my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin.

For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is always before me.

Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight,
so that you are proved right when you speak
and justified when you judge.

Surely I was sinful at birth,
sinful from the time my mother conceived me.

Surely you desire truth in the inner parts
you teach me wisdom in the inmost place.

Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.

Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones you have crushed rejoice.

Hide your face from my sins
and blot out all my iniquity.

Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.

Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.

Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
and sinners will turn back to you.

Save me from bloodguilt, O God,
the God who saves me,
and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.

O Lord, open my lips,
and my mouth will declare your praise.

You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart,
O God, you will not despise.

In your good pleasure make Zion prosper;
build up the walls of Jerusalem.

Then there will be righteous sacrifices,
whole burnt offerings to delight you;
then bulls will be offered on your altar.

I know it sounds crazy, but, I’m glad that my heart is breaking.  It is time.  And, it means that God hasn’t given up on me.  He is calling me out of this abusive relationship and into His life.  Now, that’s worth giving it all up.

Come, let us return to the LORD.
He has torn us to pieces
but he will heal us;
he has injured us
but he will bind up our wounds.

After two days he will revive us;
on the third day he will restore us,
that we may live in his presence.

Hosea 6:1-2

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