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The past two weeks have been insane, and now that I feel like I am on the other side of a huge transitional point in my life, I can step back, take a deep breath and reflect.

In the past month, I have moved into a new apartment, done Revolution Weekend, made the transition to three services with Cornerstone, and last night was our first night of Engage (after about 4 1/2 months of planning, anticipation, and sleepless nights).  Okay, maybe that doesn’t look like a lot because it’s only four things, but it is much more than four things.  These are four movements.

And it has been good….and it will be even better.

Revolution Weekend was such a great weekend for me, our leaders, and our students.  All of the prayer and hard work culminated in a weekend where God moved in the lives of students and leaders…and He moved me.  It was the beginning of something that I probably won’t even fully comprehend for a while, but I do know that it created a momentum that I haven’t seen in this ministry since I have been at Cornerstone.  It created a momentum I haven’t even really had since I have been at Cornerstone.

And that makes me so excited, because its nothing I did…but, its everything that He is.

At Engage last night, we started a series called “Move”, and we landed in Hebrews 12:1-2:

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.  Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

I got so excited as I began to study this passage, because it reminded me that we are all called to get in the race and run.  For too long I sat in the stands and cheered on everyone else who was running the race.  God was moving those people and moving through them, and I was content to sit back and cheer them on.  I’m not sure why I stayed on the sidelines.  Pick one: insecurity, doubt, fear, guilt, shame, sins I wasn’t willing to give up…maybe it was all those things.  But I am not content to sit there anymore.  I am in the race.

I was reminded of a passage in Experiencing God where Henry Blackaby talks about how God gives us a direction, not to show us what to do, but to show us what He is about to do.  For the past few months I have felt like God was telling me to move in a certain direction because He was about to do something.

Blackaby writes, “Most of the time when God calls you or gives you a direction, His call is not what He wants you to do for Him.  He is telling you what He is about to do where you are…He most often is not calling you to a task only, but to a relationship.”

That’s when it hit me.  Yes, the author of Hebrews is encouraging his readers to get into the race, not to be held back anymore by their sin and disbelief, but the invitation isn’t to run the race.  The invitation is to fix our eyes on Jesus, the One who mapped out the race, ran it, and completed it.  He is the finish line, and at the same time, the one running right beside us.

The invitation is never to a task alone, but to a relationship with our Creator.  His invitation is “Move with me.  Draw close to me.  Enter into and know me.”

Now, that’s a revolution.

This past week I have been thinking a lot about the past…my past.  It’s one of those things that some days I wish I could just leave behind, lose it like I do so often with pens, or my keys, or my mind.  But, I can’t.

The funny thing about the past is that it rarely stays there.  It follows you around.  It lives inside the deepest part of your being.  My past has molded who I am today, in the good things, the things I have had to seek healing for, and the things I may never heal from.

Tonight I was looking through a photo album of old family photos that I had copied from my mom’s albums she kept of my brothers and I growing up.  Sometimes I pull out these photos because I want to remember, but most of the time its because I want to escape back to a time I wish I could remember better.

This is the picture I always gravitate toward.

Photo~10

I don’t remember that day, but every time I see this picture, I want to go back to it.  I want to be that little girl again.  I want to play in the leaves with my dad and brothers and not feel like I’m wasting my life.  I want have one last conversation with my dad, even if it is as a 3yr old.

The craziest thing about this picture is that my dad is my age in it.  My dad is 25 in this picture.  He has two children and a huge smile on his face.  I know his life wasn’t perfect then (it never was), but it didn’t have to be.  He was happy.  He was loved, and he loved his family and his life.

I know that I can’t go back.  My life right now is the life I am called to live in.  And that’s okay.  The past is the past, even if it feels like the present sometimes.  And, as much as my past is a part of me, it is not my definition.  It is not the label I wear.  My past doesn’t determine my future.

After all, I am not my own.  I have been bought with a price and redeemed for a greater purpose.

And, it is the same for you.  The past is not your future.  It is not your definition.

HE is.