This has been an interesting week so far, and I have found myself processing a lot of things.  I guess this is a good thing becuase it means I am learning, but it also means I don’t sleep much.  So, here’s a little of what has been on my mind….

Many changes are going on in my life right now.  I am in the process of moving.  I am trying to get a new ministry kicked off.  I am at a important junction in my job.  There are people in my life who are hurting, and I’m not quite sure how to help them.  And things have moved from busy to hectic.  Right now it would be easy to throw in the towel, or at least call a time-out, but I know that I must keep going.

Yesterday, as I was getting ready for work a song came on the radio.  Now, let me preface this by saying that I DO NOT listen to country music (I know I probably just lost some cool points with some of you, but I don’t really care), but this song happened to come on the Christian radio station I was listening to (and in my mind, they played it because I needed to hear it).  The song is Anyway by Martina McBride, and I wish I could sing it for you, but the lyrics will just have to do.

You can spend your whole life buildin’
Somethin’ from nothin’
One storm can come and blow it all away
Build it anyway

You can chase a dream
That seems so out of reach
And you know it might not ever come your way
Dream it anyway

God is great, but sometimes life ain’t good
When I pray it doesn’t always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway
I do it anyway

This world’s gone crazy and it’s hard to believe That tomorrow will be better than today                                                                                                                                                           Believe it anyway

You can love someone with all your heart
For all the right reasons
And in a moment they can choose to walk away
Love ’em anyway

You can pour your soul out singin’
A song you believe in
That tomorrow they’ll forget you ever sang
Sing it anyway
Yeah sing it anyway

I sing
I dream
I love anyway

I struggle with this.  I mean I physically have an internal wrestling match with this every day.  There are so many things I want to pour my heart into, so many people I want to love, so many dreams I want to dream, but I don’t let myself because I am afraid of the risk involved.  I am afraid of getting hurt, because I have been hurt so many times before.  I hold back from building meaningful relationships and really loving people because they may walk away, or even worse, break my heart.  I don’t allow myself to dream and hope, because I have convinced myself that dreams my dreams can never be real.

I struggle with this, because I am working to change.  The risk of getting hurt just might be worth it.  I can’t just stop building because a storm may come and blow it away.  I have to build it anyway.  And, for me, all of this translates into–Faith.  I keep on building.  I keep on loving.  I keep on dreaming.  I keep on risking, because I have faith in the One who is ultimately in control.  I trust Him.

All of this culminated for me yesterday when I was having a conversation with someone, and he said, “You can’t climb a mountain if it is smooth.”  I know this is kind of silly, but it hit me because I want to climb the mountain, but I also want it to be smooth.  It can’t be that way.  The rocky parts give us something to hold on to.  They require us to take a firm grip and allow us to continue the journey.  And, I know sometimes it seems like the journey isn’t worth all of the work we put into it, but I believe that it is.

Believe it with me, and we will climb the mountain together.  It’s risky, but I think that’s the point.