The holiday season is here!  Thanksgiving is only a day away and Christmas is right around the corner.  Usually the holidays are one of my favorite times of the year, but lately I have a hum-bug inside me.  Don’t get me wrong, I love being with my family, but it seems that the holidays are not so much about being with my family anymore, but more about what is missing from my family.  Thanksgiving and Christmas have become a reminder of how much life has changed over the past few years, and how much I miss the way things once were.  I am not one of those people who thinks all change is bad.  Change is a necessary part of a healthy life, but I feel like there has been so much change (especially over this past year) that I can’t quite get a grip on everything.  I guess you could say I’m overwhelmed.

A lot has happened this past year:

  • both of my brothers have gotten engaged (which means I have two more people in my family)
  • my mother has a boyfriend
  • I graduated from seminary
  • I moved back to Alabama
  • I moved away from my friends in Texas
  • I have a new (an a little unstable) job
  • I have traveled across Europe
  • And, I have spent the majority of the past six months alone

This is just the beginning.  So much has changed.  So much is still changing.  I can’t seem to keep up with it all.

I want to be focused on all the good things in my life:  The fact that I have a job. That I follow a God who is full of grace and forgiveness.  I graduated from seminary!! I have gained two sisters.  I am actually with my family this year.  I haven’t had to write a paper in seven months!!  I have a place to live and food to eat.  But for some reason, there is this longing in my heart, like there is a vital part of my life that is absent, like I am missing out on something important.  I don’t know why I feel this way, but I do.  And the worst part is that I still think that if my father were everthing would be better.